


there's nothing to fear (stay right here)

by bimrambles



Series: only time [4]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Post canon, climbing into windows, dont worry, lmao theres an innuendo to masturbation in there somewhere, no matter how steamy it gets its not smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-30 00:16:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10865085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bimrambles/pseuds/bimrambles
Summary: evan climbs into jared's window because he can't sleep.





	there's nothing to fear (stay right here)

**Author's Note:**

> it's my first kiss too so

Evan’s fingers graze over the pebble’s smooth surface. He aims carefully, merely hitting the bottom of the windowsill with a loud enough clank. He harmlessly throws two more rocks before someone opens the window, a familiar sleepy face ducking out of the house. Jared’s eyes search in the dark before setting his eyes on Evan— who was still wearing the sweater he wears to bed and the first pair of shorts he grabbed from his closet. It's getting harder and harder not to sleep when all you could think about is _him_.

“What the hell are you still doing here?” Jared tries hard not to wake anybody else up, keeping his voice to a whisper. Evan wordlessly points to the open window, as if asking if he could climb in. Jared shakes his head and shuts it. Evan’s heart simultaneously sinks and rises, and he’s sweating more than he should be on a night as cold as this. He’s probably being a bit too much (nine, consecutive, three AM nights at Jared’s does seem unusual), but he shuts his eyes and breathes, trying to push it down— _just push it down_. The strangling feeling in his chest dissolves as soon as he picks up more stones.

Clank. Inhale, exhale. Clank. Inhale, exhale. Clank. The window opens once more as Jared’s head pops out.

“Fine! Get in before I change my mind.” Evan clumsily brings himself all the way up to the second floor. He stumbles a bit, mainly because his head is spinning and he hasn’t slept, but he could still manage. He can climb trees over thirty feet in such a state; it shouldn’t be too hard to climb to the second floor. Jared backs away as Evan's hands reach the window and hoist himself into the room. “My mom is sleeping in the other room, you can’t just come here all the time, you know that, right?”

Evan doesn’t say anything. He sits on the right edge of Jared’s bed, sheets still thrown haphazardly in a pile at the side. He’s staring straight ahead as he mutes his surroundings. He just wants to sleep. The mattress shifts as a weight is placed beside him. Evan’s hands wring as the familiar feeling dwells, stomach churning with dread. He turns his head to the right and meets with Jared’s eyes, examining closely.

“I can’t sleep,” Evan explains as if the dark circles under his eyes and how his hair is messily tousled in different directions didn’t make it clear enough.

“Well boo- _fuckin-_ hoo, because _I_ could until you started throwing rocks at my window.” Jared rolls his eyes and makes the bed, much to Evan’s surprise. He props the pillows up and pulls the sheets. He tells Evan to make himself comfortable and offers that he can just sleep on the floor. Evan refuses.

“I... I don’t really...” Evan says, flustered. For a second, Jared thinks that Evan’s just trying to get him to sleep with him and laughs because— that’s just funny, isn’t it? _It’s not,_ he quickly realizes and stops as Evan winces miserably.

“I’ll just— hey, are you fine? Do you want to talk about it or some shit?”

Evan shakes his head. He really just wants to sleep, but he can’t sleep alone because as soon as he gets into bed, the sheets start to suffocate him and it gets too hot, and his thoughts are racing and he just wishes somebody was there to tuck him in. At the same time, he doesn’t— because that means after being tucked in, the person would have to leave the room and he’ll be left alone with his thoughts again. He hears the window panes being lowered, Jared fumbling with his hands as he makes his way to Evan.

“Just go to sleep,” Jared says, throwing himself on the left side of the bed. He tosses to face the other way and quickly pulls the blanket to his chin. Evan follows suit and lies next to him, turning also turning the opposite way. His heart is racing— but he doesn’t feel dizzy or drowning, he just feels... different. “And if you say anything about this to anybody else, I will personally kill you.”

“Good night to you, too.” Evan jokes after a passing silence, closing his eyes. "See you in the morning."

Their night wasn’t going to be as progressive as it seemed. They just lie there, still awake and completely aware of the other’s presence. Jared doesn’t know what’s going on, but it’s three in the morning and he’s lying in bed with his best friend and his heart feels like it’s about to explode. He tries not to think of anything else, letting his thoughts shut down. It doesn’t work, because it's not easy to do that when you've been in love with your best friend for months on end. Nothing is ever easy when you're in love with your best friend, really. It‘s merely half an hour later with eyes still open when Jared hears something that he’s glad he didn’t miss.

“Can I— can I kiss you?” Evan whispers. It just sounds like he isn’t really asking anybody in particular, like he was rehearsing, or maybe he was just uncertain. But he _is_ asking someone— he was asking if he could kiss Jared, who lies unmoving behind him. No reply came, just stillness and the startling flutters of the curtains because Jared forgot to close the windows all the way down. Evan holds his breath to listen for any response and eventually sighs in relief, glad that Jared didn’t hear it because he’s already asleep. Little did he know, Jared is, in fact, very much wide awake.

“Really?” It was a softer whisper. Evan thought it was just his imagination until Jared shifts a bit, awkwardly clearing his throat to repeat it louder this time. Evan freezes, anxiously clenching his fists and tightening his jaw because this is the part where Jared asks him to get out of his house— to never talk to him ever again, because he’s so revolting and best friends don’t just _kiss_ each other. He stays still lying in bed anyways, because a part of him hopes that Jared would say yes. Jared hasn’t jumped out of bed and called him disgusting, so that must be a good sign, right? Jared turns and quietly gives Evan’s shoulder a slight pull, so that must be a good sign, right?

The bed creaks with all their tossing and turning, and eventually, Evan and Jared are facing each other. The blankets are uncomfortably twisted now, but neither of them could care. Evan doesn’t believe it when something shimmers in Jared’s eyes— like he had been crying. His face couldn’t be seen completely, but the tears reflect in the yellow glow of the streetlight streaming through the curtains. Jared cries because it feels unreal— maybe he’s already fallen asleep and his mind is playing tricks on him, and he would never learn what it was like to kiss the boy of his dreams. But Evan is staring at him, eyes wandering down to glance at his lips and back into his eyes. His lips are slightly parted in a mix of surprise and anticipation. _If this were a dream,_ he thinks to himself, _then let it be a good one._

 _Can I kiss you?_ it plays over and over in Jared’s head like a broken record, making him want to pull Evan closer until his body goes numb. _Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you? Can I kiss you?_

“I’m an idiot.” Jared tells himself as Evan leans in, who's getting bolder as his drowsiness catches up to him.

They close the tight space between them when chapped lips plant themselves on soft, Evan’s hands subconsciously reaching up to the other’s chest. Jared couldn’t pull away— cold tears are slowly trailing down his cheeks and it’s truly embarrassing— he’s utterly intoxicated; he couldn’t help himself from leaning to hover over Evan. Both of Jared’s hands are firmly planted on the spaces above Evan’s shoulder to support his weight as he deepens the kiss.

Evan uses his mouth to part Jared’s lips with a sigh, fingers desperately tugging at Jared’s collar. He wants to get kissed out of tonight— he’s always wanted _this_ and _only_ this ever since he’s been haunted by images of wet lips and sweaty thighs and the hot breath against his neck; his loneliness soon growing with fervor day by day, craving to be with him. Evan knows that he’s not perfect, and neither is Jared, but he learns that they’re perfect like this; with Jared’s leg swinging over Evan's then shifts his weight to straddle him, braver than he thought he would ever be— mouths beginning to get sore but they couldn’t stop even if they tried (but they’re not trying. Evan knows this and he takes it to heart). For a first kiss, they were sloppy but it was sweet and the touch was nothing short of intimate, hands linking as the kiss move fast and uncalculated, and soon they forget how to breathe. They pull away.

“I've always wanted to do that, you know?” It’s all Jared could say. Evan takes a long breath as he takes a good look at his flushed face. They sit up, Evan chuckling before giving him a peck. To think that they used to be friends who were bound to fall out— but they made up, though it never was the same since. In contrast, they were more at ease now that the Connor thing was over, but at the same time, there would be this unspoken tension whenever they made contact. Frequent Skype calls, accidental ‘ _love you_ ’s in place of goodbyes, dinners at each other’s houses, and now, unannounced sleepovers. He pulls him close like they were built to never let go.

"I couldn't sleep because you're—you're driving me insane." Evan whispers.

"Was I?"

"You're all I could think about." Jared kisses him again.

“Are we... something?” Jared asks, playing with the hem of Evan's sweater.

“We—well,” _We're everything_ , Evan thinks, _you're everything_. “What do you think?”

“Boyfriends...?” The word tastes foreign in his mouth. "We're boyfriends?"

“Perfect.” Evan hums in acceptance, cupping the other’s jaw as gently as he could. He leans into the touch.  _All too perfect._

Jared lets out a soft laugh, hair messy and shirt askew. He puts on his glasses to see— _really_ see Evan. Smiling, nervous Evan, with his red lips and eyes as wide as the moon glimmering outside his window. Flustered and equally nervous Jared, with his heart bursting into a million pieces of confetti. If Jared went a year back in time to tell himself that he’ll end up kissing Evan in his own bed, he would laugh. It’s a night without worries because he’s laughing _now_ , you see— he’s laughing; he wraps his arms around Evan as they lie there, drifting away into a peaceful night of sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading !!! <33  
> title from falsettos - unlikely lovers  
> bc if that song aint them
> 
> still no beta because im too flustered to send this to anybody lmao  
> i appreciate feedback !! please tell me what you think! i live off of criticism it'll help me write better!!


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